Spring Cleaning

A day at home. And I got busy with household chores and being a gd daughter and sister. my room now looks spectacularly clean and clear. so much so I am not quite used to it.

Something I tried after reading Serene's blog - a ColorGenics test- http://www.goldinuniverse.com/:

You feel as if you have missed out on a great deal that life had to offer and you go about trying to make up for past failures. Naturally at times you get depressed and you try to compensate for your 'missed opportunities' by living your life to the full. This is what, perhaps, may be described as 'living with exaggerated intensity'. In this way you feel you can break the chains of the past and start again - and it could be that you are right.

You are looking for something different. Your imagination has been working overtime and you are seeking adventure - and you'd like to share that adventure, the new experience, with someone like yourself: Imaginative, Enthusiastic and Sensitive.

It is amazing that you yourself believe that old 'adage' that you are a misunderstood person - and you feel that because of this you are being left out in the cold. It is because of this lack of believed understanding that you feel the need to conform to society in general - but this situation leaves you 'cold' knowing that you are not appreciated for your true self. Any relationship that you are developing at this time does not seem to involve any true emotional commitment, you seem to be just playing along.

You are holding back. You need to find friends in whom you can trust and once they have proved themselves beyond all possible doubt you will be prepared to give them your all. The existing situation is not of your liking - you have an unsatisfied need for mental stimulation with others whose standards are as high as your own. Trying to control your instincts the way you do restricts your ability to open up to others and the way you feel at this time is suggestive of 'total surrender'. This is not to your liking as you consider such thoughts as weaknesses that need to be overcome. You feel that only by control, controlling your innermost thoughts, are you able to maintain your air of superiority. You want to be admired for yourself alone and not for what you can do or for what you may have done. In essence 'you need to be needed' and at the same time 'you need to need'.

You really like doing what you do and, more than that, you like yourself. Your attitude to work and to life is that 'If its not fun - then don't do it'. You want to be liked and respected, not for who you are but for what you are - and it seems to be working.
_____

Not all the above is true. But this is how I'm feeling. I'm really trying my best here. At work, at Hana, at home, among my friends. But am I being myself? I don't know. Trying to be a better person. But happier person or not I dunno. I conform, I keep it safe, I play it safe. I be obedient. I listen. But when does the "me" lies among all the "I"s?

I'm not confused, or lost. I just feel a tinge of restlessness, a tinge of loneliness, a tinge of 'hard work don't seem to pay off", "i feel like total chopped liver" and "why the hell am i working so hard?"

I want so much more for Christmas, Santa. Do you hear me?

I miss my sister

My family portrait
Brother and Sister
Hee

My dear sister has left for China. For 7 weeks. After a hectic last min packing, she brought 18 kg of luggage, 1 hand carry bag which weighs 5 kg to faraway Beijing which is -0 degree celsius now. As compared to her peeps, i think she has underpacked, but she was her usual bo chup self. Until we reached the airport, then the magtitude of her trip hit her. "I don't want to go liao" she muttered as she stepped out of the cab at the airport. Her friends at work and school came to send her and even wrote her a farewell gift and letter. My father couldn't stop nagging at her to wear more, look after her DS, Mac, Ipod Shuffle, Cameras (yes she brought 2) and $. My mum kept chatting with her roommate's mum while my bro and I just stood like sore thumb. I hugged my sister many times before she left. Even the stupid computer at home was tempermental and refused to start up until now. Then my sister cried. I was red eyed too.

The whole family is quite sad by her absence. Dad told my mum the 1st thing this morning: "I miss my daughter, how?" I had problem sleeping last night because the room was too quiet w/o the humming of the computer and the bed felt too empty. Bro showed me the sms she sent 1st thing this morning. At breakfast we could not stop talking about her.

Send us lots of emails, ah jun. We really miss you alot.

Sidetrack: Should I buy this?

I don't know why I am blogging so much

but today is worth blogging about.

Because it's the 1st time I've been out with Claudia doing freelance makeup job with myself in charge. The 1st time I did so was with Sarah for Kailin's friend. So today was a good revision and experience.

Everything went smoothly and the girls liked their makeup and hair. It's an achievement, for we managed to finish well within the time given. The additional hair took slightly more time.

It's time to be independent. I wished I had pictures to show Claudia's good work. I'm so proud of her.

Totally random photo log

In no chronological order, presenting to you - Leya's camera memories

Me and cute Ashley

Claudia, me and christine (see no makeup!)

Tired but pretty Angela at her ROM

Patricia, Amanda, Ashley and Asher at Kat's place
Me and very hot Sarah
Jez and me
Kailin's friend, our D&D customer. Pretty!
Felicia, also Kailin's friend. She looked so different with makeup!

Patricia and the pressie we got her
Cassandra acting cute at my request!

Photography by Cassandra, this dress is lovely and it's MINE!
My dream house in the middle of the shopping district

Happy Claudia at her birthday celebration
Claudia's cute sister, Kris (Guess her age)
My favourite dessert
Something to remind us of Xmas, outside PS

At Kase's place, she prepared a 4 course lunch for me! So thankful and it was delicious!

This prawn salad was very yummy! Look at the HUGE prawns!

Brother and Sister

The family christmas tree

I treated my sister to KTV, and movie and dinner to my siblings yesterday.

I can't remember the last time i spend time with them. My bro was his usual self not talking much, grinning at silly jokes and faces my sis were making and occassionally gruntles. He needs a makeover complete with haircut and new wardrobe. He has pretty decent looks with a goofy smile. He's just not a great conversationlist or a sociable guy. I wouldn't helping him fork out money for his new look. it will be great to be of some help to him. It's like how my sister put it. We are the most familiar strangers.

And my sister is this incredible silly teenager when she is not a pissed off angry teenager. She has passed her phase of Maple story and Neopets and now in the phase of dramas, ktv and online shopping. I think her impending trip to china is really drawing us the kids closer. I feel very reluctant to let her go but i try to make myself inclusive by spending time shopping and going ktv with her. feels like i had been out of her life for such long time.

Family is so important. and they are my everything. Family is not by choice, but by fate. No matter how we get pissed off, angry or annoyed at them, we will always walk back to them to seek solace. Bit by bit as we grow up, distance build itself between us, but we can't let distance drive a wedge between us. If communication between friends, peers, colleagues are important to our social life and add value, it's even more so for family.

When was the last time you know anything about your family?