Optimism with real truth favor

I was watching Amazing Race with my siblings yesterday. there was a father-daughter team: Ronald and Christine. In the 1st leg, the father keeps apologizing for disappointing her and keeps saying he doesn't want to disappoint his daughter by losing the race. Christine the daughter however keep reassuring her dad that she is very proud of him. During the 2nd leg, the father became quite indecisive and defensive and started showing his bad side. He first scolded another guy from another team for being rude to the airline crew. Next at the detour he keeps repeating that he doesn't know how to hoist furniture and that the other challenge which is hunting the bicycles going to be difficult because there will be an ocean of bikes. The daughter tried to cheer him on saying that it's ok, as long as they stay positive. The father suddenly threw his temper again at her saying he is keeping optimism except his optimism is the truth (which is that it is going to be difficult) Then at the road block, he dissed his daughter by saying he could have done it.

My sister who was watching the show with me made a comment 'if i were the daughter, i would have slap the father who was being so irritating.' I had the same sentiments. Asian parents are not fond of encouragement or praises. They believe by doting on you, by encouraging and praising you makes you an arrogant or big headed person who is too full of yourself. They like to paint a very pessimistic picture of the world, like it is dangerous to go overseas alone, we shouldn't divulge too much of ourselves to other people than our family. Like my mum, who since young believes a good daughter cleans, washes and does housework beautifully (very domesticated) I remembered when the 1st time I got 2nd in class, she was not at all proud. In fact i dun remember her coming for the prize ceremony (subsequent ones she did not turn up too) She never showed her pride for me during my academic achievements. In fact, she told me girls don't need to study so much. just need to marry good husband. So as a kid, I grew up eager for attention, pride, encouragement and praises that my parents never gave me.

Thankfully after working hard in school and coming out to the society to work taught me that it's ok that my parents never praise me as much as I wanted when I was young. It made me stronger and more independent. They are who they are because their parents don't praise them too, so they don't know how to praise us. And they had a hard life, where money is hard earned because they cannot further studies because they are poor. But our generation should be different, now that we can see this. I'm not trying to say my mum is wrong. I still love her alot and she is right in her way, but it doesn't apply to our generation anymore. I see the daughter in Amazing race and I realize Asian women are really strong mentally and physically. Males in Asian countries are still perceived as the dominant gender. Women really still have to do more to prove ourselves, very unlike in the West. plus we have to suffer the gender stereotypes from our parents' generation. If we don't make a difference to our next generation, it's just going to be a vicious cycle.

So it all starts with us to make that one difference to our daughters (and sons) in the future, to praise and encourage them. Let them know it is ok to make mistakes as long as we learn from it. But at the same time, maintain the Asian values of humility, loyalty, integrity and tenacity.

And the world don't have to an awful place. We can see good in everything and everyone. I firmly believe in learning to not take things too hard and just do our best. What others do, we really can't control.